Think about someone in your life who you’re pissed, angry or upset with right now.
Now imagine in a few hours you were able to watch a movie of that person’s life from day one to today, seeing everything they’ve been through. Every joy, every pain. Every up, every down.
At the end of this movie you may still feel what you feel about this person, you might even despise them more, but one thing that you couldn’t deny would be your understanding of them. There would be no confusion as to how they became who they are.
When we’re pissed and in our story there’s no motivation to seek understanding, especially when we feel we’ve been wronged. More often than not we already feel like we know why someone is the way they are. It’s because they’re a selfish brat, an entitled prick or just plain stupid.
But do we really have them all figured out? Here’s a good way to tell.
The more pissed you are, the less likely you have someone figured out. Because when you really understand someone, even if you strongly disagree with them, you aren’t totally consumed by anger. Anger might be there, but there’s also a sense of peace there too. You understand their actions even if you would have chosen a different path.
Another word for peace is freedom and when we’re free from frustration we can take the actions that need taking with a clear mind.
If we need to cut ties, we can cut ties. If we need to reinvest into a relationship, and own our own short comings, we can do that too.
If resolution is the end goal, understanding is the way. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it.